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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Short Story- A Beautiful Landscape

 An American Landscape
            Once the string was pulled, the engine roared with life.  The huge lawn mower lurched forward like a raging bull when the brakes were lifted.  From the house window, some residents could see an employee wrestle with the machine for control.  Most closed the curtains.  The older people always kept a watchful eye on them though.   
Antonio was yelling orders to Julio about which houses to mow.  Julio was automatically nodding, half confused already.  Antonio’s speech was always quick and confusing.  The workers often had to guess what their job was.  It was Julio’s first day on the job.
“I want you to finish these houses when I come back.  Hurry up because we have to move out to the next suburb before it gets dark,” Antonio said to Julio.  He started the leaf blower and began to blow the heavy leaves.  Dogs would always start to bark when the loud noise began. 
Antonio’s knees started to hurt; both were jolting with pain.  He had been working for as long as he could remember.  Even though an owner of his own business, he never could stop working.  He was approaching his retirement years, but couldn’t see a future where he would just retire.  He had to continue to work.  He still had a family to look after.  He still had bills to pay.  He still had loans and debts that continued to rise.  When he was done with what he had to do, he limped his way back to the trailer to put his equipment back.  One of his clients approached him.
“Anthony!  How are you?  Haven’t seen you in a while.  Listen, I have something to tell you.  See that huge pile of wood.  I want you to take it away,” the client said.  He pointed at the whole mess of wood.  He signaled with his thumb, guessing that Antonio’s English was somewhat limited.  
“Sure, I pick it up.”
“And another thing.  Don’t come back for the rest of the year.  Our son will be doing our yard work from now on.  Ok.” 
“Ok.  No problem with me.”  After the client left, Antonio let out a cry from the jolts of pain that came from his knees. 
           
            When Julio saw Antonio leave to check on the other employee, he began to relax more.  He took longer periods of break time.  Once he finished mowing a house, he went inside the equipment trailer and began to dig around his pockets for a smoke he was saving.  He looked around him.  Nobody was watching him.  He lit it up real quickly and surfaced into a new happier world.
           
Mira!  I told you to do the blue house as well.  What the hell’s wrong with you?” Antonio said to Manolo. 
“But patron, I don’t remember you telling me,” Manolo said.
“Yes I did!” Antonio said. “Remember!  I don’t know where your mind is right now, but you have to clear it out and focus next time I’m talking you.  Now go back and finish those houses.  You didn’t mow them right.  I’m paying you so that you can get the job done right!”  He made it a habit to micromanage, so he spends half the day as a supervisor. 
            Manolo went back to work.  An old lady, another one of Antonio’s clients, approached him.   
“Anthony, I need to have a word with you right now.  Remember those bushes you planted for me in the spring.  Well they’re all dead,” she said.
“Did you water them?” Antonio said.
“I believe so…or at least I think I did.  I’m not sure.  Look, I’m going to discount it off the next bill you send me.  Call it credit,” the old lady said.
“Sure.  Do what you have to do,” Antonio said.  He knew she forgot to water them.  He thought of setting up a laundry mat or maybe a restaurant business, a business where he didn’t have to deal with customers or work.    

            Glenville was a very nice neighborhood.  It was clean year round, no junk food joints in sight, and the houses looked like old English manors.  It was Antonio’s next route.  Police patrols increased in frequency when the landscapers arrived.  They always watched them from a distance.  They never hesitated in giving them a ticket when the smallest of violations were committed.  The community had zero tolerance for them.  
“Alright, you know what to do here.  Don’t take too long on each house.  Andales!” Antonio said.
“We’ll never finish them,” Julio said, waving his arms in frustration.
“Have a more positive attitude, Julio.  If you don’t want to work, then you can go walk home.  I’ll find another,” Antonio said. 
“You don’t tell me what to do!” Julio said.  Manolo chuckled.
“Who else pays you then?” Antonio said.  Antonio began to walk towards the trailer to get the equipment out when his knee pain began to attack viciously again.  He limped back to the truck.  Julio saw this while walking past him.
“Have a more positive attitude.  Have a more positive attitude,” Julio mimicked, laughing now.            
A client approached the landscaping proprietor.
“Antonio, Antonio.  Where have you been?  I haven’t seen you in a while,” the client said.  He was an old man who claims to be Italian or Greek.  He didn’t like going outside and could only stay outdoors for a couple of minutes, which after that would start to get tired from the wind and the sun. 
“I’ve been working all day like a horse,” Antonio said.
“You let them work.  I have a job for you.  See those-“ the client started to walk towards the chores he had in mind.  Antonio knew that the old man wasn’t going to pay a fair price for the labor.  The old man never pays fair.
            Julio was inside the trailer again, getting out his smoke.  He was taking a huge risk since his boss was still there.  A car stopped near the trailer.  The driver’s window rolled down and called to Julio.
“What are you doing?” a voice said. 
“Mind your own business, lady,” Julio said.  He put out his smoke as quickly as he could, waving his hands to get the smell out.
“Aren’t you too young to be working?  It’s a school day,” she said.  She put the parking breaks on.  Julio told Antonio that he was 18 years old and was able to work.  He looked 12. 
“I don’t care about that.  Teachers don’t care either.”
“Well, yeah.  I guess not all of us are made for school.”
“If you don’t mind, I need to get back to work.  Why don’t you go back to your rich parents,” Julio said, pretending to look for something.  She was looking at the cigarette that he stuffed in his pants in a hurry.
“You have any left on you?” she said.
“It’s going to cost you.”
“You think cost is an issue here?”
“As in double”
“Maybe if you go back to school you could learn how to charge people triple!”  She furiously put it on drive and pressed on the gas pedal and left.
           
            “And that’s how I met Al Capone.  I really met him.  You think I’m kidding.  I have his famous guns on my cabinet.  I would invite you to come in, but well, you know,” the client told Antonio.  Antonio really needed to get back to work.  He felt as if he were falling behind.
“Okay, I’ll do all those things next time I come,” Antonio said.
“What things?”
“I’ll come back next week.”  The old man nodded in agreement. 
“One other thing.  I really like your white trailer.  White looks really nice on everything; just look at my house.” 
           
            It was now noon.  Both Julio and Manolo were having their lunch on a client’s front lawn close to the pickup trucks.  Both got their food at a gas station.  They looked at the sky and saw the clouds darken.  It was going to rain soon, which raised their spirits with the thought of leaving early.  Manolo’s favorite part of his lunch, besides his cigarette, was the lottery scratch tickets.  Every day he played it he knew he was getting closer towards his luck.  Julio was constantly on his cell phone, being on several different websites at once.
“You know, I’m getting tired of this job,” Julio said.
Vato, it’s your first day.  How are you already tired?” Manolo said.
“I can’t stand the boss.  He’s always yelling at me.  It’s my first day and already he expects me to know everything.”
“Maybe you got on his bad side.  Never get on his bad side.  He’s the type of person who doesn’t forget things.”
“I got something for him he’ll never forget.”  Manolo chuckled at this.
“Where are you from anyways?”           
“I was born here,” Julio said.  Manolo laughed. 
“That explains your crooked Spanish.”  Antonio came back.  The workers immediately got up and started to get ready.
Vaya vaya.  I was gone for an hour and you guys are still here.  If I’m not here, nothing gets done,” Antonio said.  He climbed painfully into the back of the truck to get a couple of trash cans down.
“Why don’t you get a good long look then, so you won’t keep coming back,” Julio said, grabbing himself in front of Antonio. 
Mira Julio, I’m not liking your attitude.  Keep it up and you won’t have a job,” Antonio said.
“I don’t care.  I don’t even want this job anyways.”
“Keep it up.  Keep it up.  We’ll see who comes out of this winning.”          
“Yeah, me.”
“You might not be related to your father-in-law, but you’re going to end up like him one of these day: a worthless mechanic, and a drunk and a thief who sneaks off with my tools.  Don’t think I don’t know, and I also want you to know that it’s coming straight from your payroll,” Antonio said. 
“What?  I’m not even related to him!” Julio said, throwing his rake to the floor.
“Yeah, but he sure does pay that roof over your head.  I’m going to start calling you Jr. from now on,” Antonio said, now laughing.  He started to cough violently after laughing so hard.  The weather was becoming unbearably cold now, and the pain in his knees started to surface again.  Thunder could be heard rolling in the distance.  His cell phone ringed.  On the other line, a slurred voice can be heard.  The client had a stroke recently.
“Is this Maldecimo’s Landscape?” She didn’t wait for a response. “Antonio, what is going on?  I told you to be careful with the roses, and one of your men cut them down.  I am going to have to deduct them from your next bill.  I also want to tell you that I am very dissatisfied with the service.”  She began to cry over the phone.  “Those roses were very special.”
“Okay okay.  I’ll replant them-“
“I do not want you to come back.  Not ever!  Goodbye.”  She hung up. 
            Antonio for the first time in his life started to accept he was old.  Every part of his body started to hurt as he climbed down from the truck.  He was uncertain if he was going to continue for the next year.  Everything was falling apart.  The first drops of rain started to hit his right shoulder and the back of his neck.   
Antonio got the trash cans down from the truck.  Rain started to pour, but it seemed as if it wasn’t going to last that long since he could only feel small amounts of rain hitting him.  He started to climb down from the truck when all of a sudden he could hear someone’s screams from behind a house.  Out of the back of that house, Julio came running like a madman to Antonio.  Julio’s left hand was completely covered in blood.  One of his fingers was gone.   

At the hospital, the doctor asked him where the finger was, but Julio couldn’t remember.  Julio’s family threatened to sue Antonio, but was held back once they discovered some contents in Julio’s blood.  They couldn’t afford a lawyer anyways.   
Antonio’s shirt was covered in Julio’s blood, and he still had a full day ahead of him.  He left the emergency room in disbelief.  Manolo was waiting for him at the waiting room.  He was impressed by the luxury of the hospital.  It was a private one, and its waiting room was finely decorated.  Its lights were dimmed low, giving the room a calm atmosphere.  Manolo almost fell asleep. 
“He put his hand on the blades for some reason,” Manolo said.  Antonio gave a weak chuckle. 
Pos for not being careful, he got what he was looking for,” Antonio said, shaking his head at the whole idea.  They left the hospital.  Outside they could see other landscapers tending the hospital’s beautiful gardens. 
“I wonder who’s paying for the hospital.”
“The government,” Antonio said.  “The government always helps.  They have to.  No, they had to.  If Julio didn’t have his papers, they would fix him up and then send him back immediately.”  Manolo spat in the ground. 
“We still going back to work?”
“Yeah.  That’s exactly what we’re going to do.  Clients don’t want excuses.  Better move on and keep working,” Antonio said.  They were heading towards the truck.  The sky was blue, with a faint rainbow in the distance, and the sun shined brightly now.      
“You’re bad luck.  You lost a lot of time today, and a worker,” Manolo said. 
“I lost a long time ago,” Antonio said, limping his way to the truck.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Haiku (4 point of views)

I wrote 4 Haiku poems using 4 different perspectives in a waiting room.     

Swirls of light move on
Clock ticks, no hesitation
Linoleum floor, clean

Flashy magazines
Stack up, wanting attention
Competing for reads

Pressed against cool surface
Windows rattle violently 
Shaking me from sleep

Door never opens
It stands proud like an oak tree

Victoriously 

Sunday, October 13, 2013

My Doggy's Walk

One can be at a disadvantage when having rules to constructing a poem, but it can be another way of making poetry.  Fixed form is basically like following instructions to making a poem.  The outline is already done for you, all you need to do is fill it with words.  An example of fixed form can be the Haiku.  It can be a restricting process, but the end result is a glimpse of the poet's observation which leaves an imprint of that image in the reader.  

 I made an Iambic trimeter poem here, more of a parody of My Papa’s Waltz with an A,B,A rhyme scheme.  It is not fixed formed nor is it perfect iambic trimeter, but I tweaked the rules in order to make it more appropriate for my poem.  First rule for fixed forms: don't let the rules bully you, but instead use and change them to your advantage until you get the desired message (if you wan't).  The results:    

My Doggy’s Walk
He walks, head held proudly
Royalty in his blood
Flowing with  dignity  
Gallops, avoiding sod

Putting paw down seriously   
Making sure he is heard
Barks with great authority
Being the king of the herd 

Made with the smallest paws
Eyes look ready to pop
Tail curls with grace, no flaws
Perfection does not stop

Hearing other dogs bark
He pulls and yanks angrily
Finding nothing too dark
Finest of ingenuity  

Friday, October 4, 2013

How to Make a Fiction Bestseller RIGHT NOW

Make is the magic word.  Writing…never heard of it.  It’s still in your mind, get rid of it right now because you won’t need it to write a bestseller!  How is that possible you say?  Just by following these three simple steps:    

Step 1. Writing: Now when I mean make a bestseller, I mean think of it as a pure writing experience.   Don’t think about the words; just write down your story.  Write like you talk.  Never use “big words”.  Use words that everyone can understand.  Speak English (fifth grade level maximum).  People don’t want to read a book just for thinking; they want to read it just for the hell of it.  It’s like watching mindless TV, but you’re reading instead and it’s sort of good for you.  Call it mindless reading.  But don’t let your reader know that.  And if you think that by using elementary words won’t fly among your adult audience, then format the novel so that it’s 500-1,000 pages long.  That will keep them busy for a while.  And if someone bad mouths your book for its “simplicity” well then you can introduce them to everyone’s best friend named “Sue”.

Step 2. Plot and characters: I’m going to kill two birds with one stone here.  First, make your plot as simple as possible.  Watch a couple of movies that were not books once, and “borrow” their plot.  Shape it however you want and you got a bestseller idea there.  People don’t want to read about difficult stuff.  They want to read about stuff that is interesting and happening right now.  And they want action.  They want romance, erotica style.  Americana stuff.  So make sure that your book has 1% thinking, 49% romance, and 50& Hollywood action.  As for the characters, make your protagonist the center of attention.  As for the supporting characters: who cares about them?  Actually, make everyone more interesting than your protagonist.  That way, readers won’t get sick and tired of always having to read about the protagonist.  And your protagonist must always fall in love, even if it doesn’t make sense in the novel.  Trust me on this one; this is where the Benjamins will come rolling in.  Your ending should be happy as possible.  Your reader just spent a day reading your whole novel; reward them with a happy ending.

Step 3.  Genre: Pick any genre you want, just follow the 2 steps above.  I recommend a combination of romance, erotica, a dash of sci fi, and some good old fiction.  Throw in the magical letters “YA” if you’re going up against a literary agent.  

I know you will face a lot of “haters” when you do publish this book.  Just remember this: when your book goes numero uno on those shiny charts, get a copy of your book and shove it in their faces.  And if they are still looking down on you for writing “generic garbage” throw some single hundred dollar bills on the floor and tell them you have so much money you don’t even know what to do with it.  Or get your best friend called “Sue” and tell the judge your suffering from psychological problems.  Money won’t be a problem when you have a bestseller on your side.

Still not convinced?  Just look at other bestsellers.  They have used the same similar concepts.  The only difference between them and you is that they knew the publishing business (which is a whole different department).  Besides that, they are normal breathing good people just like the rest of us.    

Now that you have the right tools to succeed, go out there and make a bestseller.  Actually go out there and make 3 bestsellers, self publish them, and edit them later as you make another set of 3 bestsellers.  Remember, this is all about you and only you.  So stop reading and get out there and make the big bucks already.   

                                                                                                                                   (How not to write)

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Outsider's Vision



Outsider’s Vision

I see
Burning fields of the most valued crop
Cows yelling from hunger
Uninsured families weeping from their loss
Vultures dancing in the sky, waiting the inevitable

I see
Pillars tumbling faster than a rotting republic
Citizens scurrying away before it all falls on top of them
Leaders gathering their wealth in some haunted villa

I see
A ship lumbering through the lost seas
Its crew constantly fighting
Entrepreneurs hoping to become proprietors
And an explorer searching for a new home
Through a glass darkly

I see

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Art Influenced Poem

This poem was influenced by Max Ernst's landscape.  The art piece is in the website of the museum (see notes after the end of poem for information)  Art can be very inspirational, along with music or other literature.  I often find myself making a whole short story based on a few lyrics from a song or a whole novel on one song (or put them on my novels to write list)  For those who have writer's block or if the writing business is getting on your last nerves, take a walk in a museum or listen to some music with the sound all the way up.  It will not only clear your mind, but it will also inspire some great creativity.  Depending on your writer's voice and what you observe, great chemistry can happen (if it blows up in your writing, then you can get the right reaction from you and your readers...science)   

Revolutionary March

People of all shapes and sizes
Yellow, brown, and green  
Leaderless
Abandoning their homelands 
All different
But with a common goal

Moving towards a small pond

Cutting through rows
Of cornfield
Of meadows and forests
Passing grasslands and valleys  
The harsh mountains behind them
They walk into the small pond  

They have travelled worlds  
All heading towards this one place

Where they wash away their sins
Some burn
Like bacteria introduced to antiseptic
Others fade away
Still, a fresh swarm moves in

They all desire this one  
Forbidden oasis
Where they quench their thirst

They couldn’t carve a different path
Or just settle in a different place
Instead they choose this one small pond
For its uniqueness
Being the only one of its kind left
The only reliable one
Free from contamination or drought

It doesn’t matter that it belongs to
The few elites
They march right into the forbidden waters
Manifesting themselves as rightful owners


Max Ernst, Landscape, 1957. Oil on glass in Art Institute Chicago 

Sunday, September 29, 2013

The Villainous Cat?

A dog is obedient, dependent, loyal, and an attention hog.  The cat, on the other hand, is the exact opposite.  I used to own cats, and they always gave me the cold shoulder when I gave them too much attention.  A cat is cold, calculating, and strive for self preservation and excellence in aesthetics.  Even when the fall, they fall with grace (always landing back on their feet later on).  When they fall asleep, they always make sure that everything is geometrically aligned to their liking.  Cats can be playful, but are descendants of predators.  They are even weary of their ancestors whose genes tend to seep out from a cat's many array of abilities.  

Need I praise the feline more?   

Taking all those traits into mind, would an author be able to make a cat into a hero.  When we think of hero, we always go back to images such as Beowulf or Hercules.  They are all brave, strong, and willing to fight a dragon head on.  If we were to invent a similar hero and make him/her into a cat, would the reader still believe this.  Depending on the plot, setting, theme, and all the other good stuff, then perhaps.  But perhaps the reader will still tend to think that the cat hero is "phony" or fake because a cat doesn't have the guts to take on a dragon or other dangerous tasks head on.  They have the intelligence though, but if they used their own "street smarts" wouldn't it contrast the bold hero who wants to prove his/her strength against impossible odds?  

Puss n' Boots is a great example of a hero who is a cat.  Although he does posses many heroic traits, he is still portrayed as this cool "renaissance" outlaw and hero hybrid.  We praise his image because it is reasonably real.  He is more of a modern hero who survives on wits.  I have yet to see a cat in fiction being portrayed as this muscular giant trying to solve all the problem's of the world.


Friday, September 27, 2013

Memory Poem


Nostalgic Spice
How a smell of cinnamon can be so
Tantalizing
Especially if that smell coaxes you
To madness
And above all else
Can construct a memorial in the hippocampus

I journeyed to a place where very few
Have not seen already  
A megalithic bazaar  
My transportation blasting me with
Undisputed music of its time while heading there  

My guardian and I enter the great bazaar
Through a darkening underground hall
Where manufactured orange lighting soon illuminated everything
The same color
Even manifesting our skin
The dark hall was polluted
With dangerous toxic fumes and sickening poisons

And how I detested the markets
We would spent a great time lurking about
From one proprietor to the next
Walking started to become something
Meant for the gods
Yet my guardian refused to leave
Being pulled by the strong magnetic force
Of marketing   

Hunger consumed my sanity
Imagining the caramel color floor as if it were
Chocolate cake
But the requiem for my sanity was rescheduled  
When I smelled the aromatic smell
That penetrated the nose
And quelled the restless hunger

I went for the core of the cinnabon
Its sugary cream and cinnamon bread

Disintegrating in my mouth in a blink of an eye   

Monday, September 23, 2013

The Second Person

Using the words cascade, excavate, relish, drip, and dragging into this poem I was able to pull this out of thin air inspired by the verbs mentioned.  Even words can inspire.  What I really wanted to do was experiment with the second person, which is something that poets and writers rarely use.  Should the reader feel eerie?  Does the reader turn into the narrator?  The results of my experiment: 



 Going Down
Your stocks have cascaded
As have you
Yet you relish in the moment
Of it all
Excavating deeper into your wealth
Living the day recently
As if it were your last
With not an inch of worry
About the future 

You should just liquefy your assets
Live behind a warm tavern
Follow the demoralizing rigid rules of strangers
Accept being dragged
Back to school
Back to square one
Down into to that cold cave
Of innocence and ignorance

Water drips
Down your spine
Loosening your bike’s chain
Penetrating your shoes
Moving downward without hesitation
As if escaping
The judgmental eye
In the clouds
Where everyone looks up
Where everyone starts   

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Pantoum Poem: World Walker

Free style can be easy to write for the author, but sometimes difficult for the reader to interpret.  When applying rules to a poem on the other hand, will it make the reader fall into the rhythm of the poem easier?  A Pantoum poem works with the second and fourth line becoming the first and third line of the next stanza.  Sometimes redundancies help create meaning (or double meaning) in a poem.  Restrictions do apply, so here are the results:  

World Walker

Walking in a muddy river
A never-ending road to dissent
We stumble over a rock
Falling at a constant speed

A never-ending road to dissent
Going downward like a slope
Falling at a constant speed
Humanity’s tower is falling

Going downward like a slope
Stocks fall down
Humanity’s tower is falling
But People are too busy fighting to notice

Stocks fall down
People lose their jobs
But People are too busy fighting to notice
And the leaders live in their last ultimate luxury

People lose their jobs
The Wilderness becomes an option
And the leaders live in their last ultimate luxury
They enlighten themselves with their rare living

The Wilderness becomes an option
The Crimson forests becomes their homes
They enlighten themselves with their rare living
The now ruined cities are coated with ash

The crimson forests becomes their homes
Becoming a confederacy of survivors
The now ruined cities are coated with ash
With their monuments looking off into the distance

Becoming a confederacy of survivors
They start all over from the beginning
With their monuments looking off into the distance
They walk to find food for their new world


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Saturday, September 7, 2013

The Fact Poem

I hate poetry, but that doesn't mean I hate utilizing poetic language into my writing.  My writing is infested with flowery language.  For this piece, I used the "Fact Poem" style in which I gather three different random kinds of facts and incorporated them into this poem. The results:
                                                                                    

Winning the Lottery

What were the chances that Slidell would wake up
To see angels dancing with devils
His living room turned into a godly Hollywood party
His TV changed into a live Broadway show
And his endangered rare dog serving him coffee

He was listening to the buzzing radio at his way to work
The mediocre broadcaster yelled
“You have a one-in-six-million chance of dying in a terrorist attack but you have a one-in-three-million chance of dying from a Coke machine falling on top of you”
After a brief interruption, the broadcaster was quickly replaced
Followed by the pledge of allegiance, brought to you by McDonalds and GMC

Slidell’s boss came up to him during his work
He told Slidell to take a vacation
Slidell thought the Bahamas or Hawaii, that relaxing sun of Cancun
He was scared of sharks though
He read in a bruised, crumbled up brochure that
“You’re also 30 times more likely to be killed by lightning and three times more likely to drown at the beach than die from a shark attack”.
 He still didn't want to risk it 
He headed home before the boss came to bother him again

Slidell seeded at 75 mph in a crowded highway in his economic Kia
Everyone from expensive Convertibles to giant pickup Silverados were laughing 
at the thing 
Speeding in a maze of cars, he turned the radio all the way up
The new broadcaster was as crazy as Slidell was
He yelled blasphemy, and other gibberish  
Such as  
“one out of every four people will be in a car accident in their lifetime. Your chances of dying in a car accident are 1 out of every 140 people.”
Slidell’s car crashed, but Slidell crashed a long time ago
He took off running in his uncomfortable dress shoes
While his body laid motionless in the car







Friday, September 6, 2013

Bucket List

My first post will be my bucket list.  This is me...
1.      Shake hands with a dictator
2.      Wash hands
3.      Make a book that criticizes most new rap music 
4.      Make a book that makes fun of the romance genre   
5.      Become a professional chair thrower
6.      Write a book, about squirrels, for my dog
7.      Participate in the Tour de France while blindfolded
8.      Run the marathon, starting at Marathon all the way to Athens  
9.      Spend a Tuesday with a professor of sociology in order to criticize life  
10. Go parachuting and land on the beaches of Normandy to see how it feels
11. Make an abstract painting
12. Be the second best guitar player in the world in my head/mind
13. Own a yacht/casino and say its not mine
14. Be a grandmaster in writing
15. Sell out
16. Make evil and boring experiments, but without breaking ethical science guidelines.
17. Make a theory, and name it in a way that is impossible to memorize for science majors
18. Box a kangaroo, in order to visit Australia
19. Read Plato’s Republic (the whole book) to a 2nd grade class in order for them to learn something for the day
20. Never say never
21. Get a 30 on my ACT so I could say “I got a 30 on my ACT” to my co-workers
22. Climb the highest mountain, and not yodel
23. Read, at least try, all of Shakespeare’s works just so I wouldn’t see the plays
24. Learn Latin to get in touch with the people who speak it
25. Read history textbooks from other countries to see what they have to say about America
26. Ask a pirate what his/her average income is and if they are insured
27. Put all writing to shame
28. To have a dream
29. Dance with wolves in order to build my teamwork skills
30. Become a Disco magician in order to be “cool”
31. Go to Cuba  
32. Go to a tundra and poke a dying Polar bear
33. Go 20,000 Leagues under the Sea in a yellow Submarine
34. Have dinner with the president
35. Become a premium member in my own company
36. Name my next dog after a corporation
37. Learn how to be a Samurai, in order to learn how to do Haikus
38. Get a handlebar moustache so I could answer every question with a life story  
39. Become a professional Belly dancer in order to keep my options in life open
40. Sell my soul (nothing important) to Hollywood.
41. Surpass my kindergarten teacher
42. Use the White House washroom
43. Be inside a Shard Tank so I could learn how to swim (swimming is my worst fear)
44. Give CPR to a dying fish out of water (first check if the scene is safe)
45. Wake up, and NOT SMELL ANY COFFEE
46. Buy my own Cinema, and not use it (just like my DVDs)
47. Built my own library, and use my outdoor voice in it
48. Get my Facebook status to overpopulated
49. Buy a haunted house, and rent it out
50. Collect all Pokemon Cards in order to catch them all
51. Reminisce over Pokemon by watching season 1
52. Sleep in a graveyard
53. Become a professional Retailer to provide professional help (as in ignoring everyone who comes) 
54. Watch Nascar without falling asleep.
55. Become a professional Bull rider so I could wear a cowboy hat.
56. Cross the Great Wall of China, with a handful of Mongolians
57. Read a book in Mars, so I can concentrate more.
58.  Check out all the books in the library at the same time. 
59. Instead of putting 200 oz of flour to make a cake, I’m just going to put 198.85 oz in order to not follow recommendations
60. Catch someone cheating off my test, and tell the security guards on them
61. Not shave for 5 years
62. Become a monk
63.  Go to a museum and stay there for the night to see what happens.
64. Visit a Narnia fan club and make fun of everyone.
65. Ask a famous person for $5
66. Have a Huckleberry summer adventure
67.  Make a book cover
68. Cross the Sahara blindfolded 
69.  Actually cross a black cat’s path so that I wouldn’t have to take the other long path
70. Rule the World of Warcraft just so I can say I have a Wow account.
71.  Go to Japan and watch anime there
72. Play tag with a Panda so I could burn 146.73 calories.  Exercise is important
73. Become the Mundumugu so I could know everything and say “I am the Mundumugu”
74. Sneeze and cough at the same time, and say I kind of did it
75. Go inside a black hole and see what is inside. 
76. Go to the Amazon and try to find El Dorado
77. Order 100 buckets, and then return them to the bucket manufacturer and say they are deficient
78.  Start a gladiator animal death match and place bets 
79. Get a DeLorean, and go 88 mph
80. Live in a cave for 40 days to see how it affects my life
81. Become a world history guru, and impress or annoy people with my knowledge
82. Visit New Orleans during Mardi Gras in order to pick up some French
83. Become famous and then hide from society
84. Learn about basketball and have a fantasy basketball team
85. Make a movie with little to no drama in it
86. Make a documentary, and get it as a “must see” in high school
87. Make a book and have it reach “requirement status” in high school
88. Watch all The Twilight Zone Episodes
89. Become the ultimate Philosopher
90. Read all the classical books
91. Go to one of Chicago’s bad neighborhood, and spend one night there
92.  See a volcano erupt, and draw a picture about it
93. Become a journalist and journalize a wall
94. Make life miserable for a U.S history High School teacher again
95. Domesticate a gorilla, and keep him in my backyard
96. Visit all the seven wonder of the world while doing a complicated crossroad puzzle
97. Buy a horse and train him to be a champion race horse
98. Buy and raise chickens, and then cook them
99. Capture a pack of wolves, and try to make a new breed of dog
100.                     Go on  a world trip while doing Sudoku